If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
