So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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