This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
