I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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