yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I still have a little drunk in my system
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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