I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
