That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
