your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm really busy with my period
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
