I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
