At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
