I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
