She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
