Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
