I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
