Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize