I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
