Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
