I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
