Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
