I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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