btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize