i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
two words: eviction party
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
