I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
