I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
