Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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