im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
