Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
