hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
