I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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