She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
