she was so not down for the gang bang
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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