he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
