I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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