If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
