yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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