Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
