So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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