Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
