hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
