she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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