I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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