Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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