smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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