I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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