my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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