Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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