As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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