I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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