i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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