i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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