I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
