There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
