It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
