no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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