Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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