im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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