you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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