You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
