Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
