friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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