I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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