I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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