i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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