More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
