There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
