If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
