I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
