You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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