Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
