she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
