Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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