Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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