I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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